It's Friday. Sex?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
