i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
