Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
