so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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