3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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