I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
