It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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