he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had sex on a roof
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
