Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
