Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone shattered a urinal.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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