Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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