why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize