I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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