Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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