No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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