Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
