STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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