She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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