Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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