then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my poor anus
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
