Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
