uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
