i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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