Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize