I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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