I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
