if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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