I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize