tell your sister to shave her snatch
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is Oprah even human
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
