she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
