Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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