My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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