yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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