Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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