Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
