dude i'm inner monologue high
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
