You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
