I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
