Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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