It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've blown a few things in my day
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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