Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
