fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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