so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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