ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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