I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
