not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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