Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize