So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
