We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
