***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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