I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
