non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize