A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
