she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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