redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
