Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
