Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
