she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize