Me too!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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