I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
