so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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