I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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