im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
