dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
