you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize