The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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