Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
