yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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