Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize