biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
