Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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