Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
