I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
