he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
