Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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