You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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