she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize