he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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