My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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