You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
