he shaved USA in his pubs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
