He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
