I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize