Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
